The last two paragraphs really resonated with me. The simple fact that nothing matters is a liberating idea for me; in fifty years, let alone one hundred, none of the pressures that we're inundated with right now will be relevant to or remembered by anyone. And in the sentiment that you wrap up this piece with, the word "should" is the part that sticks out to me the most. There is no defined timeline posted somewhere for us to follow. If anyone says otherwise, I challenge them to find it.
Thank you for reading! I'm finding that the more I reject the idea of an externally defined timeline, the happier I become. And I'm so glad that this idea resonated!
I really like this idea of focusing on the small milestones and not the big ones. I feel like big milestones never actually feel that great in the moment anyways; they're just the things that are recognizable to other people, not the things that are actually going to make the biggest impact in our own lives.
"But is youth really nothing more than lazy narcissism? What if youth is also about being curious, trying new things, taking chances, figuring out how to connect with the world? When you act like a teenager, what if you’re looking at society, asking why it’s structured how it is? What if this “maturity” we’re all supposed to attain is just another word to describe passivity, capitulation to an economic system that benefits someone, but most certainly not any of us? What if quitting my job and trying to “take my creative projects seriously” at the age of 34 was the best thing I could have done, not only for myself, but perhaps (in the most grandiose way possible) for the world at large?"
Yes to all of the above - I believe life should be lived without instructions. There is no one way of living life. Trust me, I get judged and stared at for thinking this way over and over again. People tell me that it's just a phase, that at some point, I will grow up. But what does growing up mean? I am 36, married, about to have my first child. That's supposed to be it? But what if I want to move abroad again? This time with my husband and then to be toddler? Is that against the rules? Why should it be?
Yes yes yes! This idea that there's nothing left for a woman after her mid-thirties seems to be everywhere, and I think it's completely untrue. The way my parents raised me gives me hope — my mom had me at 36, and after that, my parents kept up their hobbies and interests, still traveled. My sister and I got to come along on all these great adventures. I think you're about to have amazing times with your husband and child too!
I love how your parents kept up who they were after they had children! That is what I vow to do too. I am so excited for my child but I don't want "mom" to become my whole identity. There is so much more to me than that and I want to embrace all different facets.
Absolutely! I say this as someone who has never had kids (so take my perspective with a grain of salt haha), but it seems like awareness of how you want to parent is the first step to making it happen. So I'm sure that you will find a way to keep embracing all facets of yourself!
I think you are probably right with what you're saying! It starts with the intention. And I am flexible too, I know this will be a major shift in my life so I am also going with the flow.
I'm with you! At 37 I decided to retire from professional music journalism because it wasn't what I had hoped it would be, and decided to restart pursuing my dream of being a writer.
I've been pursuing that dream for about a year and a half now. I've published two short stories and a novella since 2023. I made under 20 sales of my biggest passion project that I've been writing since 2008. Devastating, but we all start somewhere.
The struggle forward is hard after such big pivots, but it's always nice to feel like we're not alone. Best of luck to you! 🔥
It seems like we’re in (almost) exactly the same place! Substitute music journalism for do-gooder nonsense, and you’ve got me. I’m going to check out your writing right now, and I can assure you that you’re not alone!
Truly the greatest compliment I could receive on my writing is that it made you laugh, smile, and feel seen! We all need more joy! So glad you enjoyed :)
loved this. i’d love to read more about your choice to and reflections on leaving the nonprofit sector (as someone who has been contemplating the same for years…. 👀)
And I would love to write something like that! Those thoughts have been percolating for a while now, and I think it’s about time to put them all in one place. Watch this space :)
I loved this so much. I also left the nonprofit sector at 33/34 followed by a 7 month career break! I wasn't even working in nonprofits long, but I very much realized it was not where I wanted to be.
I'm 37 now, constantly forgetting my age, and I attribute that to basically feeling way younger than I am. I'm in a dual income no kids marriage, where we both don't really have career goals, and just want to have a good time in our life with minimal stress.
I also feel like I'm constantly forgetting my age! Or I wake up in the middle of the night and think, "how am I already in my 30s??" I'm right there there with you on feeling young, even if the media/social media tells us otherwise, and holding onto this feeling seems like a good foundation for having fun and feeling less stress :)
Ahhh, I always enjoy reading your stuff Sarah. I'm stressed out about reaching my age-appropriate milestones so it's amazing to read your pov and see how nonchalant you are about all of it 😎.
Thank you so much for reading!! Milestones are super stressful, and even if I seem nonchalant, I promise I still panic sometimes about them too. Here's to both of us finding a way to look at milestones that works for us :)
"Turning 30 has to be one of the strangest human experiences, and now that I’ve done it five times over," soo, happy belated 150th? 😂
But seriously, I appreciate this thoughtful reflection. Indeed, tI agree that common socially prescribed benchmarks end up causing a kind of false idolatry, to the point where the plot is lost - a person will feel pressure to get married in their 30s because "all their friends are already settled", and then pursue and maybe even secure a marriage for the wrong reasons. The same is true about kids, degrees, and occupations. All of those pursuits can be worthwhile and fulfilling, but only when done for the right reasons.
And when it comes to the right reasons, I believe you get to the heart of it here: "What if joy is just joy, and joy is important?"
I think (caveating for the fact that depending on the luck of the hand one is dealt, one may or not have the option to pursue a work life that aligns with what brings them joy) it really does come down to whether or not the experiences you are tending to on a daily basis in life are bringing you sustainable joy. Life happens too quickly to do otherwise.
Yet I've come to notice that many people, most often those who are fixated on the typical "life-checklist", are blind to the abundance of daily joy that is available for those who have the mindset to tend to it. Like experimenting with what eyeliner looks good on them.
I love this piece, thanks for writing it!
The last two paragraphs really resonated with me. The simple fact that nothing matters is a liberating idea for me; in fifty years, let alone one hundred, none of the pressures that we're inundated with right now will be relevant to or remembered by anyone. And in the sentiment that you wrap up this piece with, the word "should" is the part that sticks out to me the most. There is no defined timeline posted somewhere for us to follow. If anyone says otherwise, I challenge them to find it.
Thank you for reading! I'm finding that the more I reject the idea of an externally defined timeline, the happier I become. And I'm so glad that this idea resonated!
I really like this idea of focusing on the small milestones and not the big ones. I feel like big milestones never actually feel that great in the moment anyways; they're just the things that are recognizable to other people, not the things that are actually going to make the biggest impact in our own lives.
Exactly, the small milestones do feel so much more meaningful! :)
"But is youth really nothing more than lazy narcissism? What if youth is also about being curious, trying new things, taking chances, figuring out how to connect with the world? When you act like a teenager, what if you’re looking at society, asking why it’s structured how it is? What if this “maturity” we’re all supposed to attain is just another word to describe passivity, capitulation to an economic system that benefits someone, but most certainly not any of us? What if quitting my job and trying to “take my creative projects seriously” at the age of 34 was the best thing I could have done, not only for myself, but perhaps (in the most grandiose way possible) for the world at large?"
Yes to all of the above - I believe life should be lived without instructions. There is no one way of living life. Trust me, I get judged and stared at for thinking this way over and over again. People tell me that it's just a phase, that at some point, I will grow up. But what does growing up mean? I am 36, married, about to have my first child. That's supposed to be it? But what if I want to move abroad again? This time with my husband and then to be toddler? Is that against the rules? Why should it be?
Yes yes yes! This idea that there's nothing left for a woman after her mid-thirties seems to be everywhere, and I think it's completely untrue. The way my parents raised me gives me hope — my mom had me at 36, and after that, my parents kept up their hobbies and interests, still traveled. My sister and I got to come along on all these great adventures. I think you're about to have amazing times with your husband and child too!
I love how your parents kept up who they were after they had children! That is what I vow to do too. I am so excited for my child but I don't want "mom" to become my whole identity. There is so much more to me than that and I want to embrace all different facets.
Absolutely! I say this as someone who has never had kids (so take my perspective with a grain of salt haha), but it seems like awareness of how you want to parent is the first step to making it happen. So I'm sure that you will find a way to keep embracing all facets of yourself!
I think you are probably right with what you're saying! It starts with the intention. And I am flexible too, I know this will be a major shift in my life so I am also going with the flow.
I just turned 49, no kids, not married, no property, and I love Olivia Rodrigo. When I feel weird about my nonconforming choices, I remember this essay. https://steemit.com/steem/@doc-gonzo/security-by-hunter-thompson-1955
Non-teenaged Olivia Rodrigo fans unite :) And I love the essay recommendation!
Oh yay! I related to so much of your essay, thank you for writing it.
I'm with you! At 37 I decided to retire from professional music journalism because it wasn't what I had hoped it would be, and decided to restart pursuing my dream of being a writer.
I've been pursuing that dream for about a year and a half now. I've published two short stories and a novella since 2023. I made under 20 sales of my biggest passion project that I've been writing since 2008. Devastating, but we all start somewhere.
The struggle forward is hard after such big pivots, but it's always nice to feel like we're not alone. Best of luck to you! 🔥
It seems like we’re in (almost) exactly the same place! Substitute music journalism for do-gooder nonsense, and you’ve got me. I’m going to check out your writing right now, and I can assure you that you’re not alone!
Wonderfully written! This made me laugh and smile and feel seen. Live your life!!!
Truly the greatest compliment I could receive on my writing is that it made you laugh, smile, and feel seen! We all need more joy! So glad you enjoyed :)
I turned 35 too this month and I relate - thanks for putting it into words!
I’m so glad I’m not the only one feeling this way!
loved this. i’d love to read more about your choice to and reflections on leaving the nonprofit sector (as someone who has been contemplating the same for years…. 👀)
And I would love to write something like that! Those thoughts have been percolating for a while now, and I think it’s about time to put them all in one place. Watch this space :)
I loved this so much. I also left the nonprofit sector at 33/34 followed by a 7 month career break! I wasn't even working in nonprofits long, but I very much realized it was not where I wanted to be.
I'm 37 now, constantly forgetting my age, and I attribute that to basically feeling way younger than I am. I'm in a dual income no kids marriage, where we both don't really have career goals, and just want to have a good time in our life with minimal stress.
I also feel like I'm constantly forgetting my age! Or I wake up in the middle of the night and think, "how am I already in my 30s??" I'm right there there with you on feeling young, even if the media/social media tells us otherwise, and holding onto this feeling seems like a good foundation for having fun and feeling less stress :)
You write so beautifully. I also left the nonprofit sector at 34 and felt all the feelings. I needed to read this, thank you!
Nonprofit survivors unite! Thank you so much for reading :)
Loved this. Needed this.
Thanks so much for reading!!
Ahhh, I always enjoy reading your stuff Sarah. I'm stressed out about reaching my age-appropriate milestones so it's amazing to read your pov and see how nonchalant you are about all of it 😎.
Thank you so much for reading!! Milestones are super stressful, and even if I seem nonchalant, I promise I still panic sometimes about them too. Here's to both of us finding a way to look at milestones that works for us :)
"Turning 30 has to be one of the strangest human experiences, and now that I’ve done it five times over," soo, happy belated 150th? 😂
But seriously, I appreciate this thoughtful reflection. Indeed, tI agree that common socially prescribed benchmarks end up causing a kind of false idolatry, to the point where the plot is lost - a person will feel pressure to get married in their 30s because "all their friends are already settled", and then pursue and maybe even secure a marriage for the wrong reasons. The same is true about kids, degrees, and occupations. All of those pursuits can be worthwhile and fulfilling, but only when done for the right reasons.
And when it comes to the right reasons, I believe you get to the heart of it here: "What if joy is just joy, and joy is important?"
I think (caveating for the fact that depending on the luck of the hand one is dealt, one may or not have the option to pursue a work life that aligns with what brings them joy) it really does come down to whether or not the experiences you are tending to on a daily basis in life are bringing you sustainable joy. Life happens too quickly to do otherwise.
Yet I've come to notice that many people, most often those who are fixated on the typical "life-checklist", are blind to the abundance of daily joy that is available for those who have the mindset to tend to it. Like experimenting with what eyeliner looks good on them.